I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
