Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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