why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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