We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
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What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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