i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
