Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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