If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
