dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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