he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
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I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
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Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How does it feel to date your dad?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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