the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
