Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
