Nicole vs. Life
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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