her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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