i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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