I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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