Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
