listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
