Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
