There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
