my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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