So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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