we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
