Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
