i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
