I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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