I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
