these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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