my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
