So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
