Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
