No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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