He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize