I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
