He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
