I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
well you can't waste a boner
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
