why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
