Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
