just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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