i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Sacagawea was the original milf.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
