Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
