you would pick up someone in the library
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
