You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
