Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
