would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
