Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
