hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
