I think scott just propositioned me for sex
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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