I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
