Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
