i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
