Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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