I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.