just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out