I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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