Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
