I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.