im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.