I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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