it was like his penis was on wheels.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
