I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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