Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The beer is more important than you right now.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
