And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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