I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
