somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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