She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
