RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
