I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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