Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
