I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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