Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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