Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
