she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
well, you know. whores of a feather.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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