I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
