I accidentally burped into my bong.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
