words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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