I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
