Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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