I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
