I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
