I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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