I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
