I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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