I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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