break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
