Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
