a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
