Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
