I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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